To you, who feels like they're not progressing
12/11/2025
“Don’t aim at success, the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. for success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue… as the unintended “
- Viktor Frankl
I grew up in a casino.
At eight years old, I would watch my grandparents drive 40 mins just to sit in front of machines programmed to make them lose.
But they didn’t care.
They were completely immersed.
Immersed enough to keep playing for decades.
They’d win,
get excited,
lose it all,
shrug it off,
and keep playing.
It made no logical sense.
Why keep playing a game you know you’ll lose? Why pour time, money, and attention into something with no clear “purpose”?
For years, I thought they were obsessed with winning. But the older I got, I realised they weren’t obsessed with winning or money, they were obsessed with playing. Or more like it was a normal part of their day, a routine.
And I envied that.
I wished I had that same drive towards my goals.
That same consistency to keep doing it even if there’s a typhoon.
That obsession to do it for decades.
Because aren’t you sick of living the same year like last year?
Get motivated.
Set goals
Start.
Three days later, falling off.
Another year passes, and nothing changed.
Falling more behind, feeling like you are running out of time…
So this year, you swear you’ll run faster. Grind x10 harder to catch up. You sprint on the treadmill until the pain becomes unbearable but not unbearable enough to change you.
Weeks later, you let loose and go back to your old life (your old self) because you “earned it”. And suddenly one day undoes an entire week of progress.
And nothing hurts more than watching yourself get further away from your goals.
When I reread my diaries from ten years ago, I realised I was just like my grandparents - obsessed. But obsessed with my present self. I was already consistent in staying in the same cycle of not committing to one vision or goal, and not prioritising my relationships.
You too, are already obssed.
Just not about the right things.
We wake up early for jobs we don’t like.
We scroll for hours even though it kills our energy.
We chase validation, status, opinions.
If that isn’t obsession, I don’t know what it is.
As Maxwell Matlz write in Pyscho-Cybernetics: Humans act automatically according to whatever self-image/identity they believe themselves to be.
You are consistent with who you believe you are.
The issue isn’t that humans get obsessed.
The issue is what we get obsessed with.
And most people become obsessed with things that don’t align with their vision, values or who they want to be.
obsess over the person you want to become
“The man who conceives himself to be a ‘failure-type person’ will find some way to fail, in spite of all his good intentions, or his willpower, even if opportunity is literally dumped in his lap. The person who conceives himself to be a victim of injustice, one ‘who was meant to suffer,’ will invariably find circumstances to verify his opinions.”
- Maxwell Maltz
We don’t act according to our goals.
We act according to our identity.
If I had the same commitment my grandparents had towards gambling, I wouldn’t need 10,000 hours of blood, sweat and tears to reach my goals, it would feel like 10,000 hours of play.
Not by making it easier or eliminating pain (if there’s anything constant in life it will be suffering). But because it becomes a natural part of my life. A part of who I am.
Like how a pianist who practices scales for decades then making it look effortless on stage. Or a swimmer who repeats the same stroke every day until it becomes graceful. Or an actor who makes a character feel real because they’ve rehearsed it until it becomes second nature.
How do we turn our ideal self into something automatic, effortless, and natural? How do we design our self like a game character so our ideal life becomes inevitable?
obsession → possession
Whether it’s a skill or personality trait, everything is learnable. Everything is a skill.
Being patient is simply the skill of choosing what to do while you wait. Being eloquent is the skill of organising your thoughts, choosing the right words, and delivering it clearly. Being confident is the skill of acting despite fear.
None of these are fixed traits.
None of them are “you either have it or you don’t”.
Just like any other skill, you can develop it. And as you develop any skill, you move trough five stages of commitment:
interest - that looks cool
feel a modicum of desire - i want that
passion - i love doing this
obsession - everything in my life revolves around this
possession - this isn’t something i do. it’s who i am
Most of the things in our life hover between level 1 and 3. But the things that become a natural part of who you are live in Level 4 and Level 5.
level 4 - obsession
Obsession means your life begins to orbit around your vision.
I mean everything.
The food you eat.
The friends you keep.
The books you read.
It’s all you think about first thing in the morning and the last thing before bed.
Every nook and cranny of your brain space is consumed by this.
It becomes part of your day.
Part of your decisions.
Part of who you are.
This is when you level up to the final stage.
When you stop setting your vision as a goal, but starts becoming your identity.
level 5 - possession
When something becomes your identity, it feels strange when you stop doing it. Not just for you, but for every who knows you.
Just like my grandparents.
If they suddenly stopped going to the casino, it wouldn’t just surprise our family but their friends would call asking if everything was okay. People would wonder what happened. Because that behaviour wasn’t just something they did. It was something people came to associate with their identity.
Your personality becomes your reality.
You become possessed by your self-image, your vision.
You don’t need motivation, discipline or consistency, you are simply living in alignment with who you believe you are.
Vision/Self-image → Thoughts → Actions → Habits → Reality
So instead of chasing after your goals, let your vision consume you.
Instead of forcing discipline, let your ideal self possess you so deeply that it becomes who you are.
Because if you don’t, this year will look a lot like last year.
And the next year after.
And the decade after that.
Nothing changes if nothing changes…
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